I am not a veteran. I came of draft age during the Vietnam War and chose to go to college instead of Vietnam. The U.S. government cooperated by giving me a student deferment that kept me out of the armed services and the jungles of Southeast Asia. Evidently, the government felt it was more important for me to complete my college education so that I could pursue my chosen profession: comedian.

I see doing USO tours as my very small way of serving. I tell a few jokes and leave. But they're the best thing I've ever done. My first tour came just before Christmas of 1999, to Italy, Bosnia, Macedonia, and Kosovo. Since we were traveling with Secretary of Defense Bill Cohen, things were relatively cushy. Bosnia and Kosovo had settled down so I brought Franni and our daughter, Thomasin, and son, Joe. I'll never forget taking a freezing ride in a Chinook chopper from Macedonia to Kosovo with Franni and the kids looking down at the burnt out homes of Albanian Kosovars.

It was my first real contact with the military and I was hooked. First of all - and this comes from the performer in me - I have never worked in front of a more appreciative audience. The troops know how far you've come, because it's exactly the same distance they've come. And Franni was a big hit in the dining halls, just sitting and talking to the troops about their families.

Mostly, I was struck by the tremendous professionalism and dedication of our military.. Yes, I was traveling with the Sec Def and everyone was on their best behavior.. And since I've seen my share of SNAFUs - planes that didn't show up, our share of hurry up and wait - but our men and women in uniform are unbelievably impressive.

There's also something about the camaraderie of a USO tour - always an eclectic group. On our first trip: Carole King, Ruth Poynter of the Poynter Sisters, NFL Hall of Famers Terry Bradshaw and Mike Singletary, Christie Brinkley, the Army Band, and a few Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. Bradshaw always had us laughing, and Joe loved throwing the football with him.

The next year: Terry and Ruth, the cheerleaders and the Army Band again, and Jewel, Chicago Cubs legend Ernie Banks and...John Glenn and his wife Annie! I made it a point to sit next to Glenn whenever we flew anywhere. As we'd take off, I'd always lean into him and say, "You okay, John? Are you a little nervous?"

People have asked me about my tours during the Bush Administration. Doesn't the Pentagon mind having me, an outspoken critic of the war in Iraq, entertain our troops? First of all, most people don't realize that the USO is not part of the military. It's an independent organization funded by private donors. Secondly, the whole point of the USO is to build morale. The most satirical joke I tell on these trips is: "You know this army grub doesn't agree with me. So far, I've had five MRE's and none of them seem to have an exit strategy."

Basically, it's doing Bob Hope. The last four years I've traveled to Kuwait, Iraq, and Afghanistan with the Sergeant Major of the Army, the highest-ranking non-commissioned officer in the Army. I go with a lot of right-wing redneck country stars like Darryl Worley and Mark Wills.

Darryl wrote the very moving, and slightly jingoistic song about 9/11, "Have You Forgotten?" Darryl hails from southern Tennessee and is an arch-conservative. He's also incredibly funny, and extremely smart, just very ill-informed. Anyway, we had hit it off, making each other laugh and sharing our awe for the troops. Flying back over the Atlantic on our first trip to Iraq, Darryl and I had a special bonding moment when everyone else was asleep.

"I learned a lot about people like you on this trip," he drawled.

"You've never met a Jew before?" I asked.

Darryl laughed. "No. I mean liberals." Then Darryl confessed that he had been "incensed" when he first heard I was coming on the trip. But he had learned something about liberals. We love our country and respect our troops as much as conservatives.

Darryl and I have done three trips together, and it's not too much to say we love each other. There's nothing quite so bonding as doing a USO tour together. About eight months after our first trip together, Darryl played at the Republican National Convention in New York. On the third night of the convention, he did a gig for the California delegation at Tavern on the Green. He invited me and Franni to come, and we danced the night away. You should get his albums.

So, the trips are fun. They're also wrenching. In Mosul last December, we all attended a memorial service for a young gunner who had died a few days earlier, leaving a widow and three young daughters. I've visited guys in hospitals in theater, one who I was told was not going to make it. They were keeping him alive long enough for his parents to see him. He was my son's age.

We spend almost two weeks in Kuwait, Iraq, and Afghanistan, and take almost all our meals in DFACs, dining facilities. I make it a point to eat with as many troops as possible and learn as much as I can. People ask me about morale. It depends. It depends on where they're serving, what their job is, what's going on back at home, what happened that day or that week to them or to their buddies. Some troops support the war 100%. Some believe it's been a tragic mistake. Some don't have an opinion. Their job isn't to solve Iraq. It's to follow orders and look out for the guy to their right and to their left.

The only regret I have about this campaign is that I can't go on the tour this year. It would ruin the whole ethos of the tour to have a candidate along. I will do it next year, however, hopefully as a senator-elect. And then work to get them out and honor their service when they get home.